Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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