the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
