guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
