If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You can't just leave with hair like that
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
