At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
