it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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