Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
