So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
