the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
