My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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