Someone shit on the floor
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
