You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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