So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
