Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
