We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
