she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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