Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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