How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
