Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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