Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
