Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
