i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
