But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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