I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
