we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
