I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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