I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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