2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
