I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
