Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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