i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
