I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize