i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
