Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
