honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
