bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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