it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
