she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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