I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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