That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
