Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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