I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
