So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
