My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
