my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize