The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize