I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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