My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
