She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What changed your mind?
Being sober
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
