Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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