just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
