grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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