Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
