So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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