OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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