She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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