If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
