just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
