This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
