You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
