I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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