I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
