I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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