1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
ttyl tear gas
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
