You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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